I was 19, I woke up this day barely 3 mnths pregnant with my first son. This day santa Cali gon days were hear! I wanted to go soooooo bad! Thats all I had on my mind. Lol wanted a funnel cake! That day my mom got a phone call my dad had a heart attack (again) & was n the hospital. You knw my dad always had heart attacks & got better & came home! This was what I thought was normal. My mom took me & my brother to see him he was co playing, laughing & joking with me! Well after a while n surgery he died! It was n 5 mins, I tell u 5 mins the rest of my life changed! By then yea I knew my mom had cancer & I knew b cause of my dad she could not die! Life doesnt work that way you know! Everybody at least has 1 parent to see them into there maturity ya knw!! Time went on ya knw, I took care of my grandpa for as long as I could but being pregnant, mom having chemotherapy & radiation treatments shit got harrrd so he had to go live with family out of town! Meanwhile mom was off & on good things happened which made me know that life as I knew it would get better! I got married, had my first born son, even all while my mom Was n the same hospital! Lol I remember it like it was yesterday! I went in march 17, 1997! She had been sick was already at saint lukes hospital all thAt day I was still a Lil girl yet wife & daughter Trien to have a baby! It was tragic! Mom leaned over & said baby idk you may should have a cesarian cause this may b to much for u. Everyone was gone and I layed there thinking wth!! My mom dnt think I can push this baby out! Bump Thant I cant have her thinking I cant push this baby out naturally with Her fighting for her life! The next day they wheeled her back down I was n labor & I pushed out my baby boy! The happiest time of my life! I remember my mom rooting me on jumping ( as sick as she was) as she seen blood spray across by her! ( I still lol a that! How did those reflexes work like that as sick as she was) however I had my baby boy! I was now a daughter still, wife & now proud mother!! Ppl still ridiculed me right there n the hospital bed! I remember someone coming in my room and not long after announced to me the rumor of my son being had by a white man & how it wasnt his fathers! I was totally shocked I remember the hurt from it! It brought me back to the limo ride home from my fathers funeral out in leavenworth Ks! All those gun shots I couldnt & a still cant get that out of my head! However it hurt it was loud like that shot! N e way I made it threw & was living on with my husband, son & still taking care of my mother but now have my 15 year old brother! Sooo much happened even some good scandals but none the less cheating, rumors & all I was still standing! The last time I went to visit my mother in the hospital I remember my gma saying Barbara, baby let her go she is tired, she is suffering! I told mom who was incoherent at the time that Id be fine & it was ok! I didnt mean it though! I often wonder whAt would happened had I not uttered those words from my lips! I was doing laundry this particular day at my sister in laws apartment next door & was told my aunt & gma were here I simply walked to the next apartment to see them & seen my aunt dressed in all black & I knew they came to tell me I was no longer a daughter! My mother was dead, gone! My brother only 15 I had just made it to 20! I knw I tried to play alot off! I didnt want alot of sympathy! I dnt remember much after that day but a piece of the funeral! I was front row, holding my baby boy! A girl who did not like me did my hair! So I did see ppl cared & could put bull to the side! I was holding my boy he was bouncing barely 3 mnths old! I knw ppl were there but I have to really think hard to remember who all was, I knw I was alone or felt that way! Front row & center! Not only did I just watch my mother die but her body layed there lifeless in front of me! My husband at the time wasnt there at my dads funeral and then not even a year ago I could speak at my dads Funeral heck even had to plan & handle all the affairs of it! Pregnant, hurt and all! It had to be done! However this was yet my harsh reality I have to have no mother or father n e more!! No one to run to!! Never the less with all my so called luck! I eventually had to then deal with marital issues! Not long but long enuff I guess I watched my husband leave me also! Heck I barely knew how to b a woman so I knw I wasnt sure about being a wife or a mother! However I did do my best! I was 20 when I developed not turnin to n e one about my issues I had no one to ask! Yes my grandmother but with my mom being a pastor, but my pastor, my mom, my best friend I didnt want to put that weight on my grandma! (he also being a pastor) so on and on! On and on! I ended up watching my husband die to a certain extent! I felt everyone I loved was leaving me! Turning there back on me! I knw its dumb, crazy & not all the way true but none the less its how I felt! I was 17 when I met him & by 20 we were married & my mother married us! At first I couldnt let that break, it was the last union she did! Her daughters wedding! However I knew the reality and as the years went on we stood & tried 2 sons later I seen my self & I didnt knw who I was! Yea a mom & humm whAtever else! But one day I was like... Shit!!! Did I ever knw who I was?? I went from daddies girl & mommas princess to somebody's wife! & Boe & Dre's mom! Hummmm I seen me real ugly one day! Jelly, insecure, hateful, and dangerous! As years went on it got worse, & unstable is what it became! All the insecurity & ugliness grew and grew! Then I seen the IT!! I seen it! Shit let me tell you! One day I was performing (going off) and some how part of it stepped out & seen the other part caring on & I was like damn! That how she iz now!! Wow has she changed! Look at all this stuff!! Wow! I didnt like her! Another day I seen this IT, I seen this girl with all these strings coming from Her & this dude hovered above her head! She was a puppet! & he was the puppet master! I asked her why? She never answered! Then years & years & on & on I stepped out again & seen that she was holding on to these strings like she was scared! He would through the strings down & play with this other doll! & she was yelllinngg & waving, making a big fuss till he would pick up her strings & play with her again! I was n shock! I thought this dumb bitxh is asking for it! Years & years & on & on I stepped out and she was just sitting there! Looking numb! Her purse & work & gym bag n hand looking a wreck! I figured the dumb bitch was tired! Hell she got a gym bag & a work bag a purse! She was sitting on a porch! It was like I seen her next reaction she went to get a gun! So I stopped her! She just sat there! But then I knew this girl is mental at this point & she just needs some help! On day n my own apartment I realized that IT Was me! That girl was me! That ugly was me! I seen it the mirror on my dresser! 1 day I got the closure I needed & the strength to keep it moving scared or not! I seen sometimes you have to jump out of self to see self, for self improvement! To bring this short story to an end! Cause alot was left out & the details could go on & on! I once was a child who yes knew better,knew the difference between right & wrong yet did both even as an adult. I seen clips from my life from a bitter & hurtful memory! Not only the pain of loosing my parents then all I had left was the puppet master! I still had my beautiful boys! So friends that lied, deceived, mistreated on top of the already insecurity issues of no parents plus a so called husband that then decided to change his mind on me, I realized I better get tougher ride harder & dig deeper cause when I was beat my kids didnt get the best of what & all I had left to my being which was & is a mother! I fell hard & did awful things I was lost lost! & hey still I make mistakes! I seen just last year the only woman n my life almost died! My oldest son was shot with a shot gun not out doing wrong just simply with his family on a holiday! I seen my life as I knew it flash b fore my eyes based off what someone thinks or just says! I seen how a best friend & even so called sister can truely not even knw you! I seen how ppl can hate u so much however not tell you why, get the facts or shit to put it simple they love, love to hate you! I seen women bicker about you but never come to you! Never seek the truth! The lie is much more dramatic! Point of the story is in my findings these things are true! God doesnt put more on u than u can bare! I always said Id die also if my parents died! Hey Im still here! Everybody is not gonna like u or be ur friend! A friend who wants a friend knows how to be a friend & even if they dnt they when they learn this they can then become a beautiful person/friend! Blood is not thicker than water! Your family will talk u n the dust to protect there neck! a friend thats a friend will not believe the hype! They ask questions! Hey did u say this or do this?? A best friend can become your worst enemy. You can be a statistic no matter how much u do or try to avoid it! And you have to knw self & be happy with self before you can b with someone else! Finally its true everyone has a story! & trust most times you just get the short of it! No matter how much you think u knw a person! You must at least try to understand a person before can knw then! Its knowledge & understanding! Its great if u can read but can u comprehend what u read! Yea to truely knw a person is to truely love a person! If you cant do this in a friendship it wont happen in a relationship! SN( So boom to knw me is to love me!) If you knw ur past u can face ur future scared & beat & brused! U may b down baby, but not out! U may have stepped on boardwalk feeling broke with out a clue! But the dice do roll again! 5 mins can change your life for the worst! Yes n deed! But you only have a few more steps! Keep pushing, rolling crawling threw! 5 mins of pain & harsh reality can also change ur life for the best! & guess what!!!
EVERYBODY GOT A STORY!!!!
But the moral of the story is:
God is REAL!
